I want to introduce you to someone I know. His name is Jack B, but for anonymity purposed we will call him J. Bauer. J. Bauer is a detective of sorts, a “jack” of all trades you may say, a modern day MacGyver. J. Bauer thought he had just about everything until the day he was put in front of a panel of senators, bound ultimately for a judge and jury. He knew nothing other than doing what he felt was best for the country. So when faced with this situation he told it how it was, not realizing that he could have faced this daunting board with much greater confidence had he spent some of his down time between torturing bad guys for time sensitive information about bombs about to kill thousands of Americans to study and get an online paralegal degree.

After facing this “humane” form of torture, being placed before his peers to have ascertained whether or not he was going have to be put to justice for his methods that led him to save countless lives, J. Bauer has decided that in his spare time he will work towards earning a paralegal degree online. Here is J’s path towards obtaining that degree.

June 16, 2010: 4 AM J. Bauer wakes up in a cold sweat. Apparently the image of the courtroom has been seared into his brain. Nightmares are haunting him. Just then he gets a call from headquarters, known as CTU (Counter Terrorism Unit). He knows the urgency in the voice on the other end of the line. Two minutes and he is out the door on way in. 4:15 AM J. Bauer, trying to shake off the vision of imprisonment, has been listening to an audio lecture in his decked out Escalade (company car of course) that he had a coworker stream to his handheld from CTU servers.

4:30 AM J. Bauer arrives at the office having finished lecture one of his paralegal course. He took some time to stop at a park and take some notes and memorize some legal term. He had heard some of those words echo in his ears ever since the court date. It is still painful, but he shakes out of it when coworker C. O’Brien calls to see where he is. “I’m here,” is his response. “Well hurry, we have a situation.”

4:45 AM J. Bauer is debriefed on the latest threat to middle America. A fairly large group of youth have rebelled against their parents and are determined to blow up all the schools in the country. They have leaked a map of the nation’s schools and plans that show they mean business. Images of his school days flash before his eyes. It just is not sinking in what is going on. He thanks everybody for their hard work and tells them not to bother him for the next 5 minutes. 4:50 AM In the rest room stall he finishes up a his final test for his paralegal degree and wonders how so many young minds have been turned against the very institutions that are giving him freedom from his legal nightmares.

4:55 AM The leader of the student rebellion phones into CTU and wants to talk to J. Bauer. Ready for just about anything J. takes the call with an aggressive, “Hello!” The voice is familiar. It is his estranged and bitter daughter, K. She proceeds to tell J. that she is going to blow up the first 50 schools if J. does not quit his online schooling right now. 4:57 AM J. Bauer with obvious tension in his voice replies, “K. don’t do this! You know I can’t do that. It’s the only thing that will take away my nightmares. Besides, I just submitted my final.”

4:58 AM After a long pause his daughter begins to laugh. J. Bauer lowers his head taking in the weight of his decision: 50 schools with their students, gone, all because this stupid degree. Then his son speaks. “Just kidding dad! I just heard from your professor, he says you passed the course and we wanted to do something memorable to celebration your graduation and the end of the nightmares!”

5:00 AM All of CTU is in an up roar! Clapping and cheering, with party hats are donned and confetti falls from the ceiling. Meet Jack, he just got his online paralegal degree.

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